Lobsters

Do you read Momastery?

Well if you do- you understand. If you don’t, click over because you should.

But anyway, G from Momastery has a Lobster. You can read about that on her blog.

I also have Lobsters, but not just one and not of the female variety either. I have 4 [boy] Lobsters.

They’re my brothers. The four people who share my life from the most similar perspective of anyone else on this planet. They know me, and they get me, and they understand how I came to be who I am since they grew up coming to be the people they are in {pretty much} the same way. Simple. (ha)

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about each of them a lot lately and have been feeling sad that they are all so scattered from me right now. Then I kind of poke myself in the eye and realize I shouldn’t be sad. I should be happy that they are all in such good places.

And then I feel happy that Steve Jobs existed and brought us all Face Time.

I’ve got one brother off in Nevada, living a wild cowboy-ish sort of lifestyle near Lake Tahoe, another brother starting college at USC, building a crew team from the ground up and diving head first into a love for photography.  Then there are still two more brothers: one who just finished school in SC and the youngest of them all committed to ice hockey, about to drown in middle school maddness and almost (choke the tears) approaching teenagerness.

That last Lobster is my original baby. My first “little G”, my sweet little guy. Did you know that I was the very first person to hold him? Probably not. But I was. Thirteen year old me was there to see his birth (this span of a few hours that I kind of remember as glowy, my Mom all exasperated-not exhausted- that he was yet another boy, but looking beautiful and not even tired, and my Dad just smiling- I can vividly remember his booming voice on the phone telling my Grandpop and brothers that our new baby was a boy). I was there to be the first person to hold him- slimy and screaming and still connected via umbilical cord to my Mom.

When I think about each of these boys, my lobsters, I kind of get this hitch in my throat that brings me all the way back to my parents and my where-I-grew-up-and-what-I-grew-up-doing thoughts. Because, let me tell you, we’ve all lived a life.

But, you see, I’m having a problem with this. How do I reconcile that life with this life? They are so separate and so the same that sometimes I block them both out so I don’t have to compare. Growing up, I was closer to my family than any other kid I knew. Call me a social pariah but I was probably the only kid who went home on college breaks and was a total hermit. I didn’t want to go out to parties (but have them at my house, where my family was? Sure!). I didn’t want to go to concerts or bars, or sleep over anywhere else.  Oh wait, I wasn’t allowed to do those things? Must have blocked that out too (Dad!).  You see growing up, I loved my brothers and counted on them to play, to fight, to talk- basically just to be there. All the time. Every day. And now they’re not there and I can’t “play” with them or fight with them or talk to them (you know, like, in person dude).

We skype and we text and we facebook and we call. But it’s totally not the same as actually being together. And I guess that’s the hang up. We can’t actually be together anymore. Not all of us. Not that often, anyway.

And, poof, here I am back at my parents. How did they raise us to be this kind of family? How do I do that with my own family? What’s the secret? What do I need to know? Tell me, because I’ll do it. Because I know families that are scattered. Wind blown. Separated. Far away. Far apart. Disconnected and discontented.

But not me and my Lobsters. Maybe someday we will be close again. Maybe someday we will be together and hang out as adults and best friends. Maybe (hopefully) we will get to see each others children grow up- more than a yearly visit or two, more than a birthday card. Staying together is hard work as a wise man once told me all relationships worth keeping are (hello marriage anyone?) but I’ll make it happen. I can be the glue.

So are you reading Lobsters? Do you know that I miss you? I’ll be damned if we ever get truly scattered. If we’re ever far apart. I’ll be dragging you and bribing you and enticing you and forcing you to come together always and often, to maintain our rare family closeness and feeling of togetherness.

Ok, ok. Was that too much for you boys? I’m done being gushy. And now I feel better. So keep living your fabulous lives. Have fun. Enjoy. But don’t forget about your sister, ok?

And yes Dad, that was pretty sloppy-sentimental 😉 I’m workin’ on it.

Stay tuned- later today I’ll be posting my weekly Wordy Wednesday post.